If I wrote a memoir consisting of a series of vignettes, these would be appropriate titles…

“How to bribe you friends with stuffed animals and steal things by stuffing them in your socks:  Kindergarten at it’s finest”

“Welcome to Indiana University, where you best is never good enough and you’re even dumber than you thought”

“Shut up…please.”

“Welcome to CrossFit:  You’ll never sit down quickly again.”

“Not a way in this world, Lady:  The day I kicked an employee at Victoria’s Secret.”

“I Am Not Dainty.”

“The Story of a Reed: A sixteenth of a millimeter too much here and you’ve wasted 35 hours of your life.”

“My Pinterest boards make me seem so fucking crafty but what functioning adult has time to craft?”

“Before I hire you, I’m going to need you to sing a song about ice cream.”

“If you sit on this bucket, you will be fired.”

“Stop Sleeping With My Therapist:  How I survived group therapy and thrived in spite of it.”

“Buck The Fuck Up.”

“The Beatles?  Who are the Beatles?  Here, let me sing you this Bible verse.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t read books shaped like that.”

“Thankful for space, among other things:  A Thanksgiving Tale.”

“The First Time I PR’d My Snatch.”

“Here at UGA, we’re better than you, and we know it.”

“You only have a Scarlet A?  That’s nothing.  She’s got a Scarlet R.”  (An accidental parody)

“There are plenty of Mohicans.  Let’s not get worked up over nothing.”


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