I’m sitting in Barnes and Noble for my weekly thinking/reading time and I’m thinking about how my life is different in every way possible than it was even six months ago. Most of these ways a good. Wonderful. Joyous, even. But for someone like me, someone who is thrown into utter chaos when things change, even these beautiful new aspects of life can be overwhelming. I’ve been overwhelmed. My heart bursts with love and gladness, and then at the end of the day, sometimes I stand in the shower and sob, tears mixing with the water, because sometimes that’s easier. Some of the changes are my choosing, and those are easier. But the ones that just affect me, the ones I’m experiencing due to someone else’s change, those are harder. But I get out of the shower and dry my hair and my tears and continue on. There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to do this at all. Right now, it’s not as graceful as I’d like. I get antsy, agitated, I panic. Most often at things unrelated to the changes. But that’s just how they come out.
But sitting here, and I found myself thinking, my goodness, so much is changing… what a gift I have here. I wonder how I will grow from this. I wonder what I will learn. I will be so much better equipped the next time things change. I know I will survive because I survived before. Actually, you know, I’m overwhelmed in all this, but I’m excited, too. Life is exciting. I can’t wait to see where all this is going.
Where did that come from? It’s not like me to be so optimistic. But there it was. Do you know why? Because somewhere, at some point, I changed. I let the situations I’ve been through change me. For the better.
I didn’t know it happened, but it did. And this time will be no different.
I will be ok. I am always taken care of. And I can choose to rest in the peace of knowing that.
So sure, I might run crying from a workout. I might cry in the shower. I might let things that people say affect me too much. But I will be ok.
I will be ok.